Intimate relationship -
Wiith for the exit. Threaten to break up, or start looking for another partner. Those answers form a matrix used in a classic study of how dating couples deal with problems.
Psychologists at the University of Kentucky identified two general strategies, constructive or destructive, each of which could be either passive or active. Remaining passively loyal had no discernible impact on the course of the relationship; actively trying to work out a solution improved things only a little.
How negativity can kill a relationship
This article is adapted from John Tierney and Roy F. But when you silently withdraw from your partner or issue angry threats, you can start a disastrous spiral of retaliation. Other researchers have found that when partners are separately asked to ponder aspects of their relationship, they spend much more time contemplating the bad than the good. To get through the bad stuff, you need to stop the negative spiral before it begins.
This may take more imagination. Your soul soars, your heart sings, and your brain is awash in oxytocin, dopamine, and other neurochemicals associated with love.
Dating and relationships in the digital age
The full, unromantic name is Processes of Adaptation in Intimate Relationships. These couples, in central Pennsylvania, were interviewed during their first two years of marriage by psychologists who cataloged both the positive and negative aspects of the relationships. wit
Some of the people were already ambivalent or hostile toward their partners—and tended to get divorced quickly—but most couples partnerrd lots of mutual affection and went on to celebrate several anniversaries. Over the long haul, though, those tender early feelings were not a reliable harbinger. As a group, those who divorced had been a third more affectionate during the early years than the ones who went on to have long, happy marriages.
It was how they dealt with the negative stuff—their doubts, their frustrations, their problems—that predicted whether the marriage would survive.
Negativity hits young people especially hard, which is one reason that people who marry earlier in life are more likely to divorce than ones who delay marriage. Another reason is marroed younger people tend to have less money, which means more stress. Some couples, of course, are better off splitting up, but far too many of them sabotage a relationship that could have worked.
Researchers who track couples have repeatedly been puzzled to see relationships destroyed even when there are no obvious causes. To test a theory, the psychologists Sandra Murray and John Holmes brought couples into a lab and gave them questionnaires to be filled out at tables arranged so that the partners sat with their backs to each other. In fact, though, the questionnaires were different.
They could list as many traits as they wanted, but were told it was wth to name just one. They typically wrote down one or two things about their partners that were less than ideal, and then they put down their pens.
The other partners were given a much different task: listing all the things in their home. Meanwhile, the other partners were sitting there with nothing to do but listen to the scribbling—and assume that it must be a thorough inventory of their personal failings.
As always in such studies, both partners were later informed of the deception, so nobody went home unhappy. But before revealing the truth, the experimenter asked more questions about the relationship, and it turned out that the deception had a big impact on some of the people: the ones already prone to insecurity.
Partnerships, however, are a different league. They are two people trying to make something together -- never just two people who don't parrnered how to be alone.
Relationships are clouded; partnerships are clear cut The instability of relationships comes from the opaqueness of feelings. Half the time weeking energy expelled in a relationship revolves around trying to figure out how the other person feels. The feelings have already been established and solidified.
Negativity can ruin relationships - the atlantic
Partnerships are about taking those feelings and proving them every day. If relationships are about finding the feelings, partnerships are about proving how seekimg real they are. Relationships are volatile; partnerships are stable Relationships always look simple on the outside but are usually twisted and unstable on the inside.
Partnerships take time, practice and complete trust. They are rarely formed because most people don't want to take the time to get there. Ever wonder why there are so many cookies and cupcakes out there? Those connectino yearnings, butterflies and drunk confessions are always reminisced fondly as true romance.
Emotional needs: 10 big ones in relationships
A partnership is not just about honesty connecgion two people but a new honesty with yourself. You are two stable, confident and caring people looking out for one another, but never dependent. Relationships are about seeking pleasure; partnerships are about seeking purpose Relationships are all about pleasure. Pleasure Nsa job opening hopes of escaping pain -- pain of loneliness, pain of rejection, pain of inadequacy.
Like most choices we make cconnection pleasure, the pain in return is always much worse.