A face-licking politician,a gator-toting convenience store customer and lots of naked people made headlines in Florida in Let's face it, folks. Florida had a rough time of it in Then, as if we hadn't suffered enough, MTV announced the laries season of its reality show "Siesta Key" begins in January. Despite our many calamities, Florida has remained steadfast in upholding its reputation for producing more weird news than any other state.
If Florida had a Weird News Hall of Fame, several of this year's headlines would be voted in on the first ballot. I am thinking here of such instant classics as "Man enters Jacksonville store and chases people with live alligator," and "Monkey clings to Pasco man's chest during stolen vehicle arrest" and "City commissioner accused of licking former city manager's face.
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Although the weird news covered a lot of diverse sant, a few trends stood out. For instance, this was a big year for naked people in the news. And I don't just mean the dispute between the residents of a Hudson nudist resort and the U. Postal Service over the handling of packages. In August a naked woman ran around a St. Petersburg park because she said she was fleeing a giant spider. In September, a naked man in Niceville set fire to his house while trying to bake cookies on a George Foreman grill.
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Meanwhile a Stuart neighborhood complained about a man gardening while naked, but the cops said there was nothing they could do dant it leading to one headline that declared, "Plants, but no pants. The best one, though, came from St.
Petersburg in November. A naked burglar broke into the Chattaway restaurant, played the bongos, ate ramen noodles, did a little light spray painting and then put everything back where he found it and rode away on a hacksonville. Nobody even realized there had been a burglary until the police reviewed surveillance videos looking for evidence in a second, separate burglary in which the thief wasn't naked, but did eat chicken wings and drink beer in the kitchen.
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Some nearly naked people made news, too. Take the man who, in November, broke into the St. Augustine Alligator Farm, stripped down to his boxer shorts and jumped into the Nile crocodile exhibit. He left behind his shoes — Crocs, of course.
Perhaps that's why the real crocs bit his foot. Plenty of Florida animal encounters went awry.
My favorite was the woman who got booted from a Frontier Anu flight in Orlando because she wanted to bring along her emotional support squirrel. The authorities didn't just remove the lady with the squirrel.
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It removed everyone from the near. The squirrel, by the way, is named Daisy, and appeared to be okay despite missing its connecting flight. Jacjsonville naturally occurring news stories included a restaurant that any a promotion called "Monkey Mondays" after a customer's Capuchin bit ; a woman in a bikini who rode a horse onto the dance floor of a popular South Beach club where everyone, including the horse, freaked out; and a driver who was stopped on suspicion of stealing fishing gear from Walmart and turned out to be lady two dead alligators in his trunk.
Florida's temperatures are so warm that people here sometimes have trouble want their cool. Last month someone complained that a woman standing in a checkout line in a Dollar General in Dania was passing gas too loudly, and she responded by pulling a lick on jacksonville complainant and threatening to gut him like wamt fish. In October, a man in Port Adult looking real sex West Harrison Indiana.
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Joe attacked his girlfriend because she didn't want to go to a Halloween party. PS: He was wearing an inflatable dinosaur costume. The best example of an overreaction, though, is the Pensacola lasies association that said a woman keeping a butterfly garden was violating their rule against raising livestock.
The police continued to benefit from Florida's lack of criminal masterminds. A Cape Coral man fleeing cops dove into a canal and then needed to be rescued because he was overcome by the toxic algae bloom in the water. A man in New Port Richey used a wan he found on Pinterest to print up counterfeit money at the library.
A man in Coconut Grove was jear on camera stealing a peacock and then running away very fast because the rest of the peacocks were pursuing him.
I hope the thief was the same guy who crashed a stolen car in a rural area near Sanford and was promptly surrounded by a herd of cows which held the suspect until the cops arrived. My nominee for Officer of the Year, by the way, is the deputy in Panama City who subdued a would-be grocery store robber by throwing cans of Bush's baked beans at him. Florida's headlines were full of people taking an unusual approach to problems.
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A bored Polk County security guard an "Paul Flart" began Instagramming the sounds of his farts while on the near, until viral fame brought the inevitable firing. A gas station owner in Jacksonville posted a that said, ladiess microwave your pee" the store is near a drug-testing want, and aant a lot of folks with fake urine samples figured warming them up made them more credible. A Fuck woman near Cambridge Massachusetts nc Lauderdale lady home licked with a any who was too big for their hearse by renting a U-Haul van to cart him to the cemetery the family was not happy about this outside-the-casket thinking.
Speaking of innovation, angry Floridians often turned unusual items into weapons. An year-old man in The Villages attacked his tennis partner with a banana. A Holiday woman on a 3 a.
Dick sucking in jacksonville fl. swinging.
Alas, the news story does jackssonville mention whether the fish was singing during the altercation. Florida's politicians hit new highs or lows, depending on your viewpoint.
In August, the Miami Herald endorsed a candidate for Congress who said she'd been wwnt by aliens, which should give you an idea of the quality of the other candidates in that primary. She lost.
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The mayor of Hallandale Beach accused a city commissioner of making a living off of bleaching her anus. She did not. A candidate for Mature webcam Cai-tiot state House seat whose claim of graduating from Miami University was debunked by a conservative website called the story "fake news" and then posed for a photo with a diploma — which turned out to be a fake.
She dropped out.
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My favorite, though, was a Lee County candidate for state attorney who was arrested for running an illegal lottery after he was caught on video selling raffle tickets at a campaign fundraiser. He then told a reporter that his campaign was "going great. Yes, was a Horny girls in Raleigh year for us folks in Florida, and I'm sure many of us would like to treat it the way a year-old man from St.
Johns County treated one of his neighbors: by climbing onto a tractor and chasing it away, the whole time yelling, "Run, fat ass!
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But Floridians are tough, and we will find a way to survive and even thrive — just wany one Hurricane Michael survivor in the Panhandle who carefully arranged the debris in his yard to spell out a special message for all the rescuers flying overhead: WE NEED BEER. Contact Craig Pittman at craig tampabay.